No Anti-Procrastination Tuesday

It is surgery week!  I will be having a double mastectomy this Wednesday morning, and I hope to come back to blogging soon!  In the meantime, I will be taking a little break.  I do have a few guest posts that I know you will enjoy while I heal.

I will be keeping my Caring Bridge site updated to let you know how it all goes. My prayer is --and can I ask for yours?--- that all the tissue that is removed will be cancer free, or at least no measurable cancer areas, especially in the lymph nodes. We are praying that what has shown up on the MRI is scar tissue and not tumor. We will have test results back about 4- 5 days after surgery.  If you are interested, please go to http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/amybowman/journal. for regular updates.

If you are a blogger and would like to guest post here at New Nostalgia, 

~Please submit your post with attached photos to amysb963@gmail.com

~I will choose a couple to use the week of my surgery, and as needed the following weeks as I heal.

~I would like them to be on the subject of organizing, simplifying, or a healthy recipe.

~If I decide to use your submitted post, I will contact you and let you know when.

I want you all to know just how much you have blessed me by visiting me here at New Nostalgia.  I feel so much love and support from you all!  

A Detailed, Disheartening Health Update

For those of you who don't follow the blog daily, these updates may be a bit confusing.  Especially if you read my 12-10-10 blog where I was rejoicing that my PET scan showed no evidence of disease.  Well, the results of the Chest MRI were not as exciting, which has set me back a bit emotionally-- it has just been such a drastic upswing, then downswing.  I am determined to wake up tomorrow back in fight mode, as I have been more inward, quiet and teary the last couple days, especially when I am not around people.  

For more info on my Cancer Journey and upcoming surgery, visit this page--Breast Redo's And Nipple Tattoos.  Catchy title, isn't it??

12-22-10 Caring Bridge Journal Entry

It was a good day and a bad day, all in one.

My husband had knee repair surgery and all went really well.  He woke up fine and did not get sick from anesthesia--all answered prayer.  I didn't like seeing that I.V. go into the hand of the one I love.  It made me realize how great he has been through all of my sickness--it is not easy being the one watching!   

His dad came to the surgical center to take him home so I could get to my Oncologist appointment.  I was grateful I was able to stay long enough to see Todd awake and smiling before I had to leave.

My oncology appointment was really hard emotionally.

They had to flush my port, which meant walking through the chemo room.  I looked into the faces of those I knew would be feeling very sick for Christmas and my heart went out to them.  I found myself wanting to get out of that room quickly.  
My port has been achy lately, so I was relieved to have it flushed to avoid blood clots.  As they accessed it, a flood of memory and emotion came racing back along with the familiar smell and taste of metal, a strange thing that happens every time it is accessed.

Dr. Midathada came in the room, it was good to see her.  My mom and friend Carma came with. Seeing my mom was comforting and Carm is the best friend and note taker--thank goodness she was there, because I pretty much lost it emotionally at the beginning of the appointment and was numb through most of it.

One of the first things doc said was "Well, the MRI shows that the tumor is still there and is measurable, it was 6x2x1 (centimeters) now it is 5x1x.8.  This is when I went a bit numb.  All I heard was 5 centimeters!  My primary care doc told me last week that it was 2 x .8.  She left off the first number.  I don't know why.  Frankly, it really ticked me off today, because it meant another surprise, and not a good one.

Doc said it could be scar tissue, but also said there was uptake in the area.  It is all so confusing!  Bottom line, we won't know until after surgery and tissue is tested.

I asked if it had shrunk enough to be removed, she said yes.  

She said since the PET scan was clear it makes her wonder if it is cancer because there was no uptake shown on that particular scan. This is good.

One lymph node is still palpable.  It has not changed in size.  It does not light up on either scan and freely moves around. This is good.

My main tumor---doc has a hard time even feeling it.  She said it is a marked difference from when I first came in. This is confusing because of what that scan says, but this is good.

Right breast-she said there are "subtle areas, not sure, not clear, changes here and there" and told me not to get worked up about it. I'm trying to obey...

If there is cancer, if its microscopic disease (no measurable cells) then no more chemoIf measurable then I will have more chemo, it is a stronger one called adryamyocin  4-6 weeks after surgery / once every 2 weeks for 4 rounds (8 weeks).  She also said if it is in even one lymph node, we will do more chemo.

The BB spot on my left breast that I have been feeling, she felt, and said she is not worried about it. Confusing b/c that is also the spot that my primary care doc said showed up on the MRI as new cancer.  This is when I wonder if my Oncologist shoots straight enough with me, or if she leaves things unsaid because of all the unknowns and wants me to stay positive.

I asked if there is cancer why did the PET scan not show it?  She said it could be that the cancer is not one that feeds off glucose (for a PET scan you are injected with glucose to make the cancer cells happy so they light up) or that it is scar tissue.

So, after surgery we will know if we are dealing with scar tissue or cancer.  

I know this is a lot of details, sorry to the non-detailed type people reading it!  Most of this came from Carma's notes, which again, I was so thankful for as I was a teary mess after doc's first few sentences.

After doc left the room, I found myself really upset and mad.  The anger part kinda surprised me, but I was ticked!  I couldn't pinpoint exactly what I was mad at, but my mom and Carma just sat there and lovingly listened while I let it all come blubbering out. It was all just a bit much, Todd's surgery plus all the hard unknowns. I worn out and really could not get past that 5 centimeter number.

I knew Todd and the girls were waiting for me at home and that I needed to get it together.  This is when we had a funny moment.  I realized I needed to pull myself together for my family and reached into my purse for some lip gloss.  I walked to the mirror in the exam room and went to put it on, then looked at my red, blotchy- faced reflection, then turned and looked at my mom and Carma.  The look on my face was "what do I think lip gloss is gonna do for this mess"  Carm said "well, the pretty pink will match your nose!"  Lol.  I love her.

I was able to get it together by the time I got home.  My mom came over for awhile and had some gifts for my girls.  She offered to take them to a movie but I told her I just needed them around me tonight.

The girls and I had a great night.  They took turns using Todd's crutches as a new toy, and we dipped pretzels in chocolate, made a breakfast casserole for tomorrow, and listened to Christmas music.  It really was a great night, boy do I find myself trying to hold on to every moment with them.  They are so precious.

The next three days we will have 3 Christmas celebrations with family, one per day.  Tomorrow it brunch at my house.  Seeing family, especially my baby nephew who is here from Kansas will be GREAT therapy for me!  I'm looking forward to a new day full of wonderful distractions from all this health stuff!!

Once again, thank you all for your love.  Thank you for reading these journals and commenting even on the long ones that go on forever like this one!  I am just so, so thankful for all of you.

Have a very, very, Merry Christmas!!
Isaiah 7:14
So the Lord himself will give you this sign: A virgin will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and she will name him Immanuel [God Is With Us]
He is with me.
He is with me.
He is WITH US!  
God is with us.

Dancing With My Husband In Minefields

Andrew Peterson-Dancing In The Minefields
I am heading into a surgical center today to sit with my husband.
He is having surgery to have his knee repaired.
Exactly a week from now, he will be with me as I have surgery, a double mastectomy.

I had a friend write on my face book "He will be your hands, you can be his feet"

That is how we have worked these last 14 years.  Joined together.  Filling in the others weakness, and when we fail (which has been often), our Lord steps in and fills in the areas we were never meant to fill in each other.
There have been many, many bumps in the road.  Life has not always been easy, but because of our faith and goodness of our God, we have been able to stay strong and get through the minefields of life.

I love this song.  I love the idea of "Dancing in the minefields."  We are.  We are holding tight to each other and getting through them, many times stumbling, but more often, we are, actually, dancing.

Todd, I love you.  

Well I was 19 you were 21 

The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much to young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road 
We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

Chorus:
We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

Well ‘I do’ are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard is a good place to begin
Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

Chorus:
And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

Bridge:
So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith
to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

Cause we bear the light of the son of man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos baby
I can dance with you

Chorus:
So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

Anti-Procrastination Tuesday #38

***Please read before linking.

There are 2 areas to link up, with 2 different themes.  Read more below and please link up in the right area.  Thanks!***

To learn more of what this is all about, read this post.

To read my original "Doozy List," read this post.

To read my "Summer Doozy List" read this post.

Hi Everyone! Welcome to AP Tuesday!

ATTENTION ALL BLOGGERS:

I am looking for some guest posts for the week of my mastectomy surgery, which is a week from Wednesday!! (yes, I PROCRASTINATED!)

~If you are interested, please submit your post with attached photos to amysb963@gmail.com

~I will choose a few to use the week of my surgery, and as needed the following weeks as I heal.

~I would like them to be on the subject of organizing, simplifying, or a healthy recipe.

~If I decide to use your submitted post, I will contact you and let you know when.

Thank you so much!!

<a href="http://www.amy-newnostalgia.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p32/Amysb1975/3032373667_7c7e803b43-3.jpg" border="0" alt="New Nostalgia" /></a>

Most Clicked On Anti-Procrastination Post:

$66.00 Total Room Makeover @ Remodel This House

Most Clicked On Flexible Post:

Super Simple Fudge @ While He Was Napping

 

<center><a href="http://amy-newnostalgia.blogspot.com/"><img border="0" src="http://i124.photobucket.com/albums/p32/Amysb1975/7393129504_TCNCj.jpg" /></a></center>

Looking forward to seeing what you all have been up to!!

Be encouraged, Be Inspired, And Get Something Done!

***Stop And Read Before Linking!***

I will have 2 different themes for you to link to.  Please choose the correct theme, or I will need to delete your link.  Thanks!

*If you are a tweeter, hitting the tweet box at the bottom will help get the word out.

***"Anti-Procrastination" Themed:***

~things you want to accomplish (lists, goals)
~things you did accomplish
~thoughts on procrastination/ways you beat procrastination

Flexible Themed

*Projects

*Crafts

*Recipes

Making Puzzles Portable

The girls fall break from school is usually when we break out the puzzles here in our household.  We usually finish 2, one for the Thanksgiving season, one for Christmastime.  It is fun to see one of my girls just stop and sit for a few minutes and work on it, they love seeing it come together slowly but surely!  This year, I have found it very therapeutic through the highs and lows of sickness, to just sit a bit either by myself or with one (or all) of my girls and work on it while listening to Christmas music.  

We use a cork bulletin board to make our puzzles portable.  The cork is great for keeping pieces from sliding around when moving it from place to place.  We usually keep it at the dining room table, but move it out of the way for family dinners.  Sometimes one of my girls want to lay in front of the t.v. and work on the floor while watching a show.  They also will carry it into the basement to join the rest of us if that is where we are hanging out.  

We have a tradition of taking a photo of the puzzle when finished, which makes breaking them down much less painful for my girls. :)  This candy puzzle is the one we worked on in November.

Progress!!  My family is coming to celebrate Christmas on Thursday.  I know this will get finished that day, my sister, Kathy, is a pro and once she starts, she has a hard time stopping until it is finished!

Can't wait...so fun!!

New Test Results Show Cancer

If you read this post, you know that I was told that there was no evidence of cancer that showed on my PET scan a week ago.  Well, Friday I got news that my chest MRI told another story.  One I don't like.

My Caring Bridge journal entry below will fill you in...

Caring Bridge Journal Entry 12-19-10

I have put off writing this journal for 2 days.  It has been a hard couple days.

I had to call my primary care doc b/c my ear was starting to ache again.  I asked her nurse if my chest MRI results were in.   She was very hesitant and a bit weird, which made my heart sink.  I knew the results were not positive.  She said "I will have the Dr. call you"
This was Friday.  I waited all day, around 5 I finally got the call.

I am not NED (no evidence of disease) as they had told me and as the PET scan results showed.  

The tumor is still there, it went from 6 centimeters to 2.5.
There is a new lesion in the same breast, which is positive for cancer It is the one I said I had been feeling since about a month into treatment, it feels like a small BB and has not budged.

There is also "progression" in the "suspicious" areas of my other breast.  This was another thing I was aware of, I told my doc last appointment that I feel more nodular and lumpy.  This is why she ordered the scans before surgery.

There is also cellular changes in both breasts, as I understand it, they are changes that occur before cancer develops.

Needless to say, I am now VERY ready to have my surgery and wish it were tomorrow.

I have been praying often, that God would just keep the cancer contained to the breast area, and that it would not spread or grow anymore.

On a positive note, BOTH tests showed no enlargement of lymph nodes, nor did they "light up."  That is good news, but again, confusing because of what I feel.  I don't like that I was right about all the other areas that I had felt.  I feel 3 round marble size nodes under my left armpit.  Confusing. 

Bottom line, we won't know what we are up against until the tissue is tested after surgery.

My doctor did mention the possibility of more chemo after surgery.  

I have an appointment with my Oncologist on Wednesday.  I am expecting to understand the test results better and have more of an idea of how we will move forward after Wednesday.  Or not??  We may not know anything until after surgery.

I struggled with this news.  It was hard to call family and tell them. We had all been rejoicing about the clear PET scan, so this shocked us all.  I loved that week of feeling light and free and having so many congratulate me with hugs and happiness.  

Honestly, I think if we had not been given the "all clear, you are NED" I think this news would be so much easier to take.  

I have been pretty teary, but still have had some great moments with my girls and Todd the last couple days.  Todd told me I was handling this well, that meant the world as I am trying to hold on to what I know is true, that GOD STILL HAS ME.  

We did not tell our girls. All they know is that the PET scan showed no cancer. We just could not bear to see them hurt right before Christmas and feel like it is not worth it until after surgery and we KNOW what we are up against.  If you see me in person, please be sensitive to that. 

Our sermon this morning was about the word "Immanuel" which means "God With Us"  That is what Christmas is all about.  God coming to be with us in the form of a baby, so that we could be part of His family.   My pastor said over and over "God Is With You!"  "God Is With You And He Makes Everything O.K."  I sat there so still just absorbing his words, and I was thankful he was so repetitive today, saying those words in so many different words and ways, which made them sink deeper and deeper within my soul.  Thank you, Pastor Hsu.

No  matter what happens to me, He is still:
King of Kings
Lord of Lords
Mighty God
Lord of Everything 
IMMANUEL!!
PRINCE OF PEACE!

We are off to celebrate these very things, our first Christmas celebration with Todd's side of the family.  It will be so great to be around family!

Fireside Mocha Mug -Easy Teacher Gifts!

I made 2 homemade food gifts this year.  Clone Of A Cinnabon pans for neighbors and co-workers, and these Fireside Mocha Mugs for Teacher gifts.  Both of these food gifts started with a trip to my local dollar store.  Foil pans with lids for my Cinnamon Rolls, and these super fun mugs for the mocha mix.  I love the dollar store!!

{bags and ribbon from Micheal's, snowflake tags from Target}

I could not believe how fast and easy this mix was to make.  It sure beats making a gazillion Christmas cookies!  It tastes really good-- creamy and delicious!  I made extra to store away, and when I think of one more person I'd like to give a gift to (mailman?) I simply grab a bag and mug, pour a cup of mix in, tie with twisty and tag, and stick in a candy cane.  So simple!  

This is also really cute packaged in a mason jar.  Last year I used mason jars for my Peppermint Stick Hot Cocoa, click through for packaging idea.

 I did a few packaged like this, inspired by some expensive gift mugs I saw at the mall displayed in this way. Most of the mugs I kept simple, as in the first picture above.  I thought they were cute adorned with the candy canes, and it saved money and time to skip the cellophane and wire ribbon.

 I found the recipe at AllRecipes.com.  I did change it up a bit after tasting a mug.  I used less coffee, more cocoa mix, less nutmeg, and some salt.

Here is my version:

Fireside Mocha

1 cup powdered creamer

11/2 cups powdered hot cocoa mix

1/2 cup instant coffee

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/4 tsp. nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon salt

Mix together in a large container and distribute into jars or bags.  Instructions attached should read "Mix 3-4 heaping spoonfuls in a mug of hot water"

*I quadrupled this to make 13 mugs.  Each mug contained about a cup of mix.

Homemade Cinnamon Rolls As A Christmas Gift?!?

Yes, Homemade Cinnamon Rolls are exactly what our neighbours and my husbands co-workers got for Christmas!  I made a quadruple batch, which made 12 pans of 6 rolls. With rising time it took most of the day, but I was able to get a lot done around the house in between batches.  I only had one mis-hap, but despite that I had a blast!  I cranked the Christmas music and kept thinking about how great it was to have energy and feel good!!

I got the idea when I was at our local Dollar Tree and I spotted foil pans with lids. They came in packs of 3 for $1.00!  I knew they would look pretty tied with ribbon or even with a sticky bow slapped on the top.  They carry 2 sizes, the smaller size is 4 for $1.00.  They would be a great size for fudge or small cookies.

I found the Cinnamon Roll recipe at AllRecipes.com.  They are called "Clone Of A Cinnabon" and were rated 5 stars and had 3, 943 reviews!  They were the highest rated cinnamon roll on the site, and they were full of sugar and butter, so I knew they would be good!  They also use a bread maker, which I liked, but in the reviews there are alternative directions if you do not have a bread maker.

Speaking of bread maker, this is where my mishap came in.  Cinnamon roll dough is a bit thick, which made my bread machine complain a little bit.  It rattled and shook itself right off my counter, and took my eggs with it!  I love how the dough stayed in the machine, safe and sound.  This is one tough machine, I've had it for 12 years and it survived the fall.

Finished pan.  Ugh, lighting.  I hate taking pictures at night in artificial light!  Not my cup of tea..

Tied with wire ribbon, also from the dollar store.  The star tags are from Micheals.

I was really pleased with how the rolls tasted.  This recipe is for sure a keeper for when I want a sugar splurge!

"Clone Of A Cinnabon"

Ingredients

• 1 cup warm milk (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
• 2 eggs, room temperature
• 1/3 cup butter, melted
• 4 1/2 cups bread flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 1/2 teaspoons bread machine yeast
•  
• 1 cup brown sugar, packed
• 2 1/2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
• 1/3 cup butter, softened
•  
• 1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/8 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. Place ingredients in the pan of the bread machine in the order recommended by the manufacturer. Select dough cycle; press Start.
2. After the dough has doubled in size turn it out onto a lightly floured surface, cover and let rest for 10 minutes. In a small bowl, combine brown sugar and cinnamon.
3. Roll dough into a 16x21 inch rectangle. Spread dough with 1/3 cup butter and sprinkle evenly with sugar/cinnamon mixture. Roll up dough and cut into 12 rolls. Place rolls in a lightly greased 9x13 inch baking pan. Cover and let rise until nearly doubled, about 30 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
4. Bake rolls in preheated oven until golden brown, about 15 minutes. While rolls are baking, beat together cream cheese, 1/4 cup butter, confectioners' sugar, vanilla extract and salt. Spread frosting on warm rolls before serving.

**This post is linked to these parties